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Forgive for Good Paperback – January 21, 2003
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“Forgive For Good is an accessible and practical guide to learning the power of forgiveness.” (John Gray, Ph.D., author ofMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
“I have read many books about forgiveness; this one is by far the best.” (Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People)
“A practical and readable book that is bound to be of great help.” (Lewis Smedes, bestselling author of Forgive and Forget)
“...one of the most helpful, practical, scientifically documented, books on forgiveness that I have ever read.” (Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., Author of Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer of All)
“A remarkable and essential book that is sure to become the gold standard.“ (Kenneth Pelletier, Ph.D, M.D., Clinical Professor of Medicine, University of Maryland School of Medicine and University of Arizona and author of The Best Alternative Medicine: What Works? What Does Not?)
“Good practical advice for a very difficult task.” (Booklist)
“[A] solidly researched and convincing guide.” (Publishers Weekly)
“Straightforward, sincere and essential, I recommend this book highly.” (Dave Pelzer, New York Times and International best-selling author of A Child Called It and Help Yourself)
“Luskin has the potential to do for forgiveness what John Gray (”Mars and Venus”) did for relationships.” (Chicago Tribune)
About the Author
Fred Luskin, Ph.D. is the author of Forgive for Good and one of the world's leading researchers and teachers on the subject of forgiveness. He is the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, a series of research projects that investigate forgiveness methods. He holds an appointment at the Stanford Center on Conflict and Negotiation as a senior fellow and is an associate professor at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. He lives in Palo Alto, California.
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What it doesn't do (and doesn't claim to do) is to keep the same person or situation from hurting you again. But Dr. Luskin does tell you that you are under no obligation to forget when you forgive, or even to remain in a relationship with that person.
The author writes well but he is SO REPETITIOUS. I almost wondered if he did it to make sure that WE, the READER heard it enough times to GET IT. Even after we got it, the examples and the references and the guidance were repeated over and over again. See what I mean?
In the second half, he writes about certain steps one should take to truly forgive with acronyms like "H-E-A-L" and "P-E-R-T". I couldn't bring myself to go through the reiterations of these models laid out by the author. Maybe I will go back and read them after a break from the book.
Don't get me wrong. I feel it helped to know about the circling planes and the emotional real estate one gives up to painful experiences. I got that. If nothing else, the book and the author convinced me that my holding onto the painful experiences, sadness, anger and resentment didn't help me and furthermore, were not even known by the people that I held things against. Now, that's really silly, isn't it? To keep hurting myself or allowing myself to repeatedly feel hurt feelings but I was the only one, not the people who had hurt me? They had no idea and were enjoying their lives, apart from me. Go figure.
I sort of knew all of this before I read the book anyhow. I didn't have the cute metaphors but I realized that I was hung up making myself suffer again for past grievances. Now, I've decided to let it go as much as I can, realizing no one else is suffering, just me.
Hope this review is helpful to someone else trying to improve their outlook on life.
This is a life changing book. Everyone says that you should forgive but we are never told HOW to do it. This book explains that process. I am a much happier person because I refer to this book regularly in order to be grateful, be kinder and be less critical. I forgive more easily and more often than before, and I get angry less often, as well.
I've been mad at my boyfriend for sleeping with another woman, and abandoning me to be on my own in a hospital after I took a bunch of pills when I found that out. The whole year passed, and all I could do was run this "movie" in my head what an "injustice" he did to me every day first thing when I woke up and every time I was falling asleep.
I was suffocated with those thoughts and they didn't let me live the full life, or have an enthusiasm to meet or get to know someone else, and this is while being attractive young woman. I realized I needed something to be changed about this, otherwise it was just impossible to live like that.
Dr. Luskin, like gentle father, took me by hand and showed step by step, how I am stuck in the miry swamp of my own grievance.As turns out, it's us and only us who's responsible for how we feel and only we can control whether we are going to let our past dictate and poison our present and our happiness, or can we just accept that whatever happened is in the past, and the grievance in the present will not bring us any use but harm. What s amazing, harm to our health first of all. If you are ready for brighter present and future and ready to let go of your past offenses and be happy - let Dr. Luskin show you how. He did it for me, for which I am very thankful. And I can enjoy life again :)
The downside: the book is a little repetitive, and a little dry, but if you get through the whole thing, it really changes your attitude to how you react to unpleasant events, learn not to take it personally, learn to be the boss of how you feel and don't let wrongdoings of some bad people be the dictator of your happiness and piece of mind
I also ordered his other book, "Forgive for Love" and currently reading it now
Top international reviews
Fred Luskin have with this book maid a very useful and workable guidebook for anyone that are a Therapist, a Buddhist / are into self development or suffer from a traumatic background, PTSD oa. and/or have anger problems... will in the end be so much easier for them, to let go and free up time, space and energy for other more useful pursuits!